Let's be honest

So today marks the official 9 month day which means James will be here in 28 days or less. (Doc said she WOULD NOT let me go past my due date).

If this is truly a judgement free blog, then let's be honest.
Am I worried about labor?  No.
Am I worried about the pain associated with labor?  No.
Am I worried about James coming out healthy?  Honestly, no.

I truthfully am terrified over:
1. Grey's and my relationship changing. This is my number one fear.  It's been "us" for 5 years. What if we forget about each other?  Am I going to feel completely left out when he comes home and wants to spend time with our kid instead of me?  Will I feel like I've been replaced?  Will I feel like I'm a wife from the 60's whose main concerns are cooking and taking care of the house and whose husband could care less if she exists or not?  I'm Terrified.  
I know what you're thinking- that's not going to happen.  Yes your relationship will change but it will be for the better, it will be stronger, and you will look at each other and love each other in a whole different dimension.
But. I can only listen to you.  I have nothing to compare this to - nothing to reassure me that what you're saying is actually going to happen.  I am terrified. 

2. What if I regret staying at home? I've wanted to do this since the beginning of college.  Am I really going to be okay with leaving my 152 kids at school who for some, have no family to love them?  Just this past week, I had a girl open up to me about how her parents have neglected her her entire life.  Am I the only adult in her life that cares if she doesn't eat breakfast?  Part of me feels like I'm abandoning them and even though I don't enjoy teaching, that kills me inside.  Plus, just last April, Grey almost did not have a job.  He is truly going to be our only source of income.  What if it happens again?  What if we really can't live off of one salary?  What if we rack up a major hospital bill that wipes out our savings account?

3. What if I feel no connection to our kid?  I have several (currently) pregnant friends and all of them have said, "I already can't imagine our lives without this child."  I don't feel that way. This little thing inside me in the cause of aches, pains, a limiting diet, jabs and kicks to my lungs, and having to pee every 20 minutes.   While I am truly thankful that we were able to get pregnant, I just don't think to myself, "Oh Baby James!  I love you SO much already!!"  I feel like I've got an alien inside of me that's making me gain weight and is eating all the food that I put into my body.  I do get excited when I think that we will have our first child coming soon but I honest to goodness don't have this resounding love coming out of me whenever I think about him.  That makes me think that I'm going to be a terrible momma.

I know that I need to trust in the Lord but please pray for me! 
Love y'all!
-B