This one is depressing. As my oldest sister would say, feel free to come back later.
It seems like my life currently looks like a rollercoaster.
1) My days at school are either really good or really bad. Mostly, really bad.
2) My hormones are either right where they're supposed to be or I'm crying every hour. It bothers me that I can't control them.
3) I eat dinner, but I crave other foods so I'm never satisfied. When I don't eat dinner, I become Oscar the Grouch and I'm miserable. It bothers me that food affects me that much.
4) I go to bed at 9:30 and wake up at 6:30 begging to go back to bed. It bothers me that 9 hours of sleep don't satisfy my body.
5) It really bothers me that I don't have a home church yet. I have no small group to attend, no accountability, no discipleship...nothing. I feel like my walk with the Lord has truly suffered because of it.
6) It bothers me that my students make bad decisions that end up hurting themselves. Why does everything have to be a battle? I want so badly to just look at them and tell them that they desperately need Jesus, but alas, I'd no longer have a job.
7) It bothers me that one of the adults at my school walks into my room every day now and tries to convince me to not get married. "Marriage is horrible, it's unfair. It just ruins relationships." Now granted, this lovely fellow has been divorced twice, but it bothers me that he even has me WONDERING if I'm doing the right thing.
8) It bothers me that when I go to a math conference, all I hear from the teachers around me is how stupid their kids are, how they know nothing, how the teachers can't get them to do anything, etc. False. If we're truly in the educational field to EDUCATE our students, then you darn well better believe that they are capable of doing something. I realize that math is hard, but I would NEVER say that my students are incapable of doing something. I love my kids and believe in every one of them. It bothers me that some teachers view their job as merely babysitting.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey Kiddo,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I've commonly heard that the first year of teaching is the hardest. Although I have no personal experience in this, your other sisters does, and she just might have some words of wisdom for you if you wanted to talk to her. Besides all of that though, I have total confidence in you that you can handle this teaching thing. YOU CAN DO IT!
Hormone issues might be worth chatting with the doctor about. They are supposed to be controlled, ya know? Do I need to hold you accountable more rigorously? I can. I can. I can also mail you $9 if you need me. Just let me know.
Ummm. Why are you not eating dinner ever? Do I need to send you Hamburger Helper along with your $9? I will.
Home church...church is important. I know. At the same time, you have an incredibly strong faith, and I firmly believe that it is strong enough to keep you going while you search for a new home church. Please don't settle as far as a home church is concerned. We've made that mistake before.
Your students and your fellow teachers will make bad decisions. The best you can do is guide them when appropriate, love them as your fellow neighbors, and do your best to make good decisions for yourself. Lead by example Becca. That is the most wonderful gift you can give the people around you...whether they chose to accept it or not is up to them.
Remember that no matter what, Dan, Nora and I love you lots and lots. We are always here for you. I hope you have a good day tomorrow and a wonderful weekend. LOVE YOU LOTS!!!
You know what, quite often I've worked with teachers who are teachers because they couldn't think what they wanted to do when they were in college and decided they could "teach I guess". These people are not very intelligent in my estimation. They didn't realize that teaching is ranked among the highest of callings. Of course, they never bothered to ask God if that is what he wanted them to do. The same goes for marriage, most people don't consult with God for their relationships either. I believe you probably have spoken with God about marriage and teaching. The kids may never tell you, but, I promise, they know that you care about them. One of the biggest mistakes ever made is the fact that we can't introduce the kids we meet to Jesus while we have that time with them for fear of losing our jobs. I had a conversation with Brian about that today.
ReplyDeleteI'll say a prayer for you tonight and continue to do that. I believe you are a wonderful teacher and will be a marvelous wife.
Love ya! Aunt Sandy