It is well with my soul

The are so many words I'd like to say, so much running through my mind that at times, it's overwhelming.

I've been contemplating getting another tattoo for over a year now. Then the summer hit and along with that came an unexpected baby, a turned down job, and a possible cancer scare. Those things may have seemed only trivial to some people but to me, they hit hard.
 I don't think many people REALLY knew how much I struggled that summer.
I cried a lot. I was angry and bitter and wanted to do everything but run to God. I didn't blame Him, I merely just didn't want to find my comfort in Him.
I clung to several hymns that summer, listening to them over and over again.  I felt relief knowing that even though I didn't feel it, "it was well with my soul."  There was grace in not liking the unexpected and Jesus undid my shame and anger. He covered all my sins and thankfully, healed my bitterness.

Fast forward to this month.
I got a phone call from one of my BFF teacher friends letting me know that one of my other teacher friends (32 years old) had a failing liver and was put on the list for an immediate transplant. Literally less then ten days later, on my birthday, she passed away.
I had no words. The same age as my middle sister, this hit home again.  I didn't go to her funeral. I (thankfully) couldn't find childcare for James but I don't know that I could have made it through the service if I had to. Someone posted that the hymn, "It is well with my soul" was played at her funeral.
I've always thought that there are no coincidences- coincidences are simply small miracles that God doesn't get credit for. This hymn again brought such peace to my heart. She may be gone from this world, but she now gets to celebrate Heavenly birthdays and worship Jesus. It truly is well with her soul now.

This tattoo may have started out as a reminder to me, that "no matter my lot, it is well" but now it also represents a loving memory of my beautiful friend who's no longer suffering.

One Month

And just like that, Emmie Girl is one month old!

It feels like it FLEW and c-r-a-w-l-e-d by at the same time. 

That saying of, "The days are slow but the years are fast" is so accurate. 

(Some cute pics of James trying on my shoes before we get to the lady of the hour)

 One month old!

Right now, she's nursing every three hours during the day (just switched from every 1.5 hours...good gracious that was draining, har har har) and she's going anywhere from every 2 hours to a 5 hour stretch every now and then at night. Right now she's having an awesome streak where she's up from 2-4:30ish every night pooping with gas and finishing the night off with the hiccups. It's been exhausting. I've cut out all dairy from my diet which has helped tremendously but no newborn can escape gas completely. This too shall pass.

James is slowly becoming more and more interested in her. I'll find him leaning over her, rubbing her head, and telling her that "it's ok." Cuteness :)

Whenever James comes around her, he captures her attention and she refuses to look elsewhere.

 She's generally awake for 1 or 1 1/2 hours every 3 hour period during the day. She's very alert and generally can withstand tummy time for a few minutes before she gets irate. She can focus on you and follow you if you move your head slowly and she's starting to talk and coo. We get a few smiles every day but I can't really tell if those are intentional or not. She loves to cuddle on your shoulder and doesn't really like sitting up while being held.

 I'll only say this once, but Grey and I do not make cute babies. :)

Poor girl definitely has my cheeks and is gaining weight like a champ. We're starting to grow out of newborn diapers and clothes due to both length and width. (She's trying to poop in the picture below)

Emmie girl, we love you! Here's to hopefully more sleep during the night soon!

James' birthday!

(A month and a half late)
Better late then never, eh?
Theme: PAW PATROL!
A great time was had by all! :)

James,
Buddy! You are hilarious! You have the best sense of humor! At two years old, you love to play hide and seek, read books, kick a soccer ball, shoot a basketball, play with duplos, and love on your daddy! You can talk in 4-5 word sentences, you choose to hop everywhere instead of walk, and you (thankfully) still nap for 2 hours a day. Your favorite foods are chickfila nuggets, broccoli, popcorn, apples, and mac and cheese. You have started praying and singing along to the radio and it's the most adorable thing ever. You have also (cough) started getting sassy. Oh boy. We love you little man and are so thankful you're ours! Happy birthday!

Our Emmie Girl

 Poor girl hated bath time

 Going home! (in the middle of a snow/ice storm)

 Poor girl was dressed in big brother's clothes for the first few days of her life

 Brother and sister :)

 My loves :)

 wha?!?!?

 Love them!

 Emmie Lyn at 11 days

 James at about a week old. I think they look pretty similar!

Observations

1. Second baby recovery is WAY easier. WAY WAY easier.
2. Emmie is a breastfeeding champ. (What a blessing!)
3. Breastfeeding the second round, so far, is way easier.
4. I, again, do not like the newborn stage. Its hard! What does she need? Is she cold? Is she gassy? She just nursed 90 minutes ago, why is she sucking on my face?! Go to sleep!  Emmie! This is the day-stay up! Emmie! This is the night-no awake time! 😣
5. James slept swaddled until 4 months old. Emmie hasn't been swaddled since she came out.
6. James slept in our room for 16ish weeks. Emmie hasn't slept a single day in our room and let me tell you. I've slept so much better this time. Newborns make gurgles and noises in their sleep and with the kid in another room, I don't hear the majority of that over the monitor.
7. I'm dreading the day Grey has to go back to school. How will I put a crying baby to sleep with a toddler demanding attention? What do I do about nap times when they interfere with James's story times and kindergym outings? Ack!
8. My daily goals include: getting both kids to take an afternoon nap at the same time so I can sleep and getting both kids to bed by 7:30 so I can then take a shower and unwind. Ahhh.

Until next time...

One week ago today

One week ago yesterday, I was 38 1/2 weeks pregnant.

One week ago yesterday, they stripped my membranes to try and get labor going since I wasn't really progressing as fast as they wanted me to.

One week ago yesterday, Grey and I sat in bed that night and talked about our anxieties about adding a second baby. I actually made the comment, "what if this was our last night with James and we don't know it?"

One week ago yesterday, I was completely convinced we were having a boy.

And then 2am came.

One week ago today, I woke up at 2am thinking I had to pee really badly. I made it to the bathroom and peed, only to stand up and see that I had soaked through my bottoms. I immediately started having contractions anywhere from 8-14 minutes apart.

One week ago today, I couldn't go back to sleep so I cleaned the bathroom, swept the kitchen floor, and unloaded the dishwasher.

One week ago today, we hadn't even packed our hospital bags.

One week ago today, I sent Grey to school to finish up sub plans even though my contractions were 6-8 minutes apart.

One week ago today, my mother in law came over to watch James and I had Grey come back home by 9:00 because I was having to stop moving during contractions.

One week ago today, we made it to the hospital where they in fact confirmed that my water had broken. (Really?!)

One week ago today, I got hooked up at about 10:00, I got my epidural  about 11, and by 2pm, I was 10 cm dilated. We had to wait for 20 minutes for a doctor to finish up another delivery.

One week ago today, our tiny baby girl was born at 2:29, weighing 7lbs 1oz, and measuring 19 1/2 inches long.

I. Was. Shocked. 

A girl?! Naw, I never suspected. I won't lie when I say that my heart sank a little. I wanted to be a momma of boys! I wanted my dad to have another grandson. I wanted James to have a brother.

One week ago today, I had no idea how quickly my heart would change to love and treasure that baby girl like no other.  She's my daughter, my little girl that I get to dress up and put her hair in pigtails. I get to teach her to cook and bake.  I get to raise her like my momma did me. How amazingly awesome!

Happy one week baby girl!

Final countdown

I'm ten days or less away from meeting baby #2! As of today, I'm dilated two cm and they'll check me again on Monday. 
Here's the nursery sans (hehe KPS) much needed decorations. But I'll get to those in due time once we know if baby is a girl or boy. For now, here!